Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I think my nap took me to another dimension
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
