Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
