Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
