Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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