Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
