i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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