What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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