If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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