So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
