Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
