Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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