This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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