Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Randomize