summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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