Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
