And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
