May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
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