And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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