you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
