Ambien. No doubt about it.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Randomize