I wish life had little blips of pornography
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
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