Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
