hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Randomize
