I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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