I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
