you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize