They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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