if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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