last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
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