i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Still dying that you shit outside
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I need to wash the frat house off of me
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
