so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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