dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
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