so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
