I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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