woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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