i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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