Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
