So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
