I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize