Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
