This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
