A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
