I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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