Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
