that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Threesome in a minivan. New low
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
