Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
