thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Are we still banned from the library?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
