that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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