we have pet lesbian snakes
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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