you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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