so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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