can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize