Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
