She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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