my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
