I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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