Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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