I faked an abortion last night.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Randomize
