my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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