You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
