I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
