you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
