I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Is it penis luge time yet?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Randomize
