At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
This girl is more easily done than said...
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
