remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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