just come out here and I will go home with you...
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
