conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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