Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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