Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize