We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
