okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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