goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
