please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
