we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
pray to the hookup gods
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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