My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
