I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Still dying that you shit outside
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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