i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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