So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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