I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
It was confusing and full of hummus
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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