She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
