I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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