Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize