He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
