He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
