So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
