what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
