so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
