Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
