its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
