So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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