Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
