His pubic hair was longer than his dick
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
