Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
