I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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