you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
