i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i just google imaged poop.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
